That phase in life

You know that feeling when everything you do seems so wrong? That you try all your might to be right, but it just keep straying afar? You double the effort, and its all so wrong!

Well I'm going through that phase now. The past few months were the worst days of my life. Everyday I wake up, with nothing positive in mind. (I am not a pessimistic person). The moment I blink open my eyes, I just wish the days will pass by fast, and I can't wait for night to come. I was not like that last year. Not like that for the past 25 years.

I have never felt so alone my whole life. I am so used to having good people around me. People whom I can talk to. People who take me as their friend. People who want to have me as their team member, a gang.

At this point of time, I'm confused. Confused with the present, and even more about the future. I feel I'm missing out something in life. But what? Career? Peers? Assets? Love? Sigh~

I'm such a coward.

Despite that, I'm still a hypocrite to myself. Always telling myself that everything will be alright. That it's just my feeling that's making things worse.

What if...

You know that feeling when you have to choose 1 out of 2 options? No you can't take both. Not even neither. It's as if, if you don't choose 1, then it'll make your life miserable. Entirely. 

Reflecting my life speaking from today, I'm glad I made the right decisions. I hope. I believe.

Somehow, somewhere hidden inside of me, (and always will stay there...) I question, what if? Below are among the many life challenges that I had to leave behind. Just because I had to choose 1. An only 1 life decision from another.

What if I actually pursued my studies in accountancy at Politeknik Kota Kinabalu in 2007? Will I be an accountant today? Will I be making a lot of money? (As what the people around me always tell). But then again, I don't like accounting. I cant even cope well with the terms debit and credit. So what if I pursued? I might be repeating subjects semester by semester. I might even drop my studies halfway through. Oh so many consequences.

What if I actually pursued my studies in Arts and Design in UiTM Sarawak in 2007? Despite being the happiest person on Earth (for merely 2 minutes) while reading the offer letter, deep inside I know, this is not the path I will be taking. But now that I can pursue my childhood ambition, what's stopping me? Why sacrifice something I love doing, to something I've never set my heart into? Something I've never see myself doing since, forever? But then again, what if I pursued the course? Will I actually be successful in the creative industry? What are the choices of career do I have? What are the chances of me being successful, despite confronting the real world challenges with so many talents and skills? How do I actually define successful?

What if I accepted the offer to be the Merchandising Exec at Times Bookstore right after graduating? Will I get to practice what I've learnt in uni? Procurements, quality management, logistics, supply chain and such? As what is reflected in the Job Description. Will I get to manage my own bookstore?

What if I accepted the offer to become Marketing Exec at Tesco in 2013? Will I be able to organize and manage my own Tesco chain? Will I be able to plan out a creative marketing strategy to attract customers? What if my ideas are limited? What if it's not available at times that is needed the most? I might be counselled for not performing well. I might even get sacked.

What if I continued to stay as temporary Economic Affairs Officer in MATRADE? Will there be any chances of me being a Contract officer then? Hence, permanent? Will I get the chance to pursue my dream to travel the world and coordinate international events? What if I'm not good enough? And that this position requires more experience and understanding not only economically, but global issues related to trade? What if after my contract ends, will there be any more chances of renewing them? Or will it end despite not even prepared to be jobless yet?

Well, all those what-ifs can actually cause me a headache sometimes. Why think deeper when everything has become history? Point of the matter is, there are reasons to why I'm living my life as of today. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine, and redo what I wish I had. But theres no way thats gonna happen. Thats the most impossible thing any human genius can invent. As a Muslim, I have redha with whats written. Sometimes in life, despite having choices, theres always a situation when it becomes 'no choice'. What I do with such situation? I take it as a new experience and as an extra skill to develop. Which is a good thing. Plus, I still have this 1 hope and dream that I can forever pursue with dedication. I want to become multitalented. Now here's why I have no grudge against the what-ifs. Just go with the flow. There's just so many things to explore, that sometimes we question, What next?

2013 in History

Wow..it's the new year already? Sure passed by very quickly!

So here's my summary of what happened to me in 2013. Did I achieve my 2013 new year resolution? Did I failed badly? Did I this..did I that? What happened to me throughout the year? Read on!

JANUARY. 

Completed my studies in UiTM Terengganu undertaking BBA (hons) Operations Management. This month was the month of VIVA for my thesis paper and my last day of internship in MATRADE. With this, Au Revoir student life! Bonjour career life! I'm not planning to further my Masters just yet. My objective after graduation, is securing myself a job.

Achievement: Graduate on time.

FEBRUARY.

And so MATRADE missed me and called me back. *giggle* So here's the start to my first real career! As a fresh grad, I was only a Temporary Officer for an Economic Affairs post with 6 months contract, renewable. Wait, what? Economic position? How on earth did I end up being an economic officer, when economic subject was my least favourite subject in uni? Ever heard the saying "Don't hate something/someone, they'll come back to u"? It's karma. On the contrary, it was I who wanted the job too. Thanks to the working exposure during my internship in MATRADE, I am more than ready for a career head start.

And.. marked my wishlist for Samsung Note 2! *overwhelm*

Achievement: Get a job. Own a Note.

MARCH. 

The month of work..work..work! It's one month to the 10th Malaysia International Halal Showcase (MIHAS 2013)!!

APRIL.

And...it's MIHAS! If MATRADE hadn't called me back, I wouldn't get the chance to be the main organizer for the prestige event. Thank u bosses, En.Su, Kak Mizah, Kak Lynn, Kak Syahida...and Pn Sijah. They're the people behind my presence here. 

And this month officially mark my family's last days in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, after 8 years! In fact, my mum was the last person in the family to leave Sabah, because her workplace won't let her go (joke!). My dad however, was already months been transferred to work in Negeri Sembilan. My brother was studying in KL. My sister was studying in Perak. And I, was studying in Terengganu. I left Sabah earlier, and little did I expect we'd all move back to KL that soon. Sadly, I didn't get to meet my Sabahan friends for the last time.

My first PTD exam intake! And... I have no luck. I can't wait for next year to try again!

Achievement: Partake in organizing MIHAS 2013. Sit for PTD exam.

Failed: Bid proper farewell with Sabahan friends.

MAY.

It's official! I'm a degree holder of BBA (hons) Operations Management! And no.. no selimpang pink. *self pinch on the ear*. (That's for not struggling hard enough)!

I lost Neng. She died from complication due to unknown cause of accident.

Neng was replaced with these two lil rascals; Owen and Oreo. Owen 'suddenly' and literally appeared out of nowhere, two weeks after we lost Neng. We decided to keep him because he looked so much like Neng, and that we couldn't get over Neng's death thoroughly yet that time. And we love them all dearly.

Achievement: Graduate on time.

JUNE.

Had our first Family Day for our Penang-side families. Although we couldn't gather everyone, but it was a great kick start. And I believe the second gathering will be organized by... my family! *grin* I've so many idea for games to organize already! 

My childhood friend, Maya is officially a wife! And here's the meet-up point to meet everyone else from when I lived in Taiwan, after 13 years the most!

Achievement: Reunite with childhood friends.

JULY.

Malaysia vs Chelsea in Shah Alam stadium. Believe it or not. This was the only football game I went to this year. Not even kampung bola. And it was on Mama's birthday!

Unplanned achievement: Err meet Mourinho, John Terry and Petr Cech? (even from afar)

AUGUST.

Selamat...hari raya~ Hari untuk kita bersuka ria~ Setahun... hanya sekali. Merayakan hari yang mulia ini~! This year, my first day of Raya was in Penang. My mum's family side. We play fair every year, taking turns celebrating Raya in Penang and KL. And this is the first Raya that I start giving out duit raya to families and children. For the past 8 years living in Sabah, our first Raya was usually celebrated with friends in KK. Our friends were our families back then.

Oh wait... my contract with MATRADE is ending! And oh...it's been renewed! Alhamdulillah, I can still secure myself a job.

Achievement: Get a job.

SEPTEMBER.

My first job interview! A real one, for a real permanent position in a Marketing Department at a retail store HQ.

Achievement: Attend permanent job interview.

OCTOBER.

Second job interview! A permanent post at a local bank HQ in the Operational Risk Management Department.

Achievement: Attend permanent job interview.

NOVEMBER. 

It's INTRADE (International Trade Malaysia)!! Alike last year, I was the Liaison Officer for delegates from Korea and Taiwan for the IBM business matching event. Annyeonghaseyo!  Ni hao!

 

Uh-oh. The results for both job interview I attended is out! Now I have to make a life decision. And with that, I (unwillingly) had to leave MATRADE, the organization that has inspired me so much, the exposure and experience I was given and the skills I developed from there. Most importantly, the people I assume as friends and family; En.Su, Kak Mizah, Kak Lynn, Kak Syahida, Nik, Kak Ros, En.Faizal, En.Megat, Pn.Leany, En.Amirul, Abg.Azmal, Fizi, Kak Ayu, Fariha and Pn. Sijah. Not to forget En.Nasa, Pn.Nora, En.Wan and.. En.Amin. Not to forget my pantry friend, Adik. These are the people I thank for the opportunities given.

Achievement: Partake to become LO for IBM INTRADE 2013.

DECEMBER.

New career path in the banking industry! That was my choice, and I have to live with it. Wait, what? Risk management is an accountancy subject? (Refer to paragraph; February *deja vu*). Account was never my favourite subject! And I only realized this after I reported duty! This is my fate. To live my life as a result from hatred feelings for a certain subject learnt in uni. *brick falls on head*. Well, it's been one month, and I survived! The firsts are always the hardest anyway. I just gotta stay strong and be a Tough Cookie!

Achievement: Secure a permanent job.

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Well, there goes my 2013 life fulfillment. I may not have achieved my target to have those muscles like Ciara has. Nor reduce intake of cold drinks like whats written in my 2013 New Year resolution (gahh its so hard!!), but I'm happy with what I went through. At least, I take it all as a life lesson learnt for a better future! (sounds legit?)

This year was really a kick start to my adulthood (as if I'm not yet adult). I thank Allah the Almighty for all the rezeki and blessings, and the sickness and pain to wake me from the sins I've made. I thank my parents for the continuous Do'a for my success and happiness. I thank my families for being the backbone to my strength in life struggles. I thank my friends for cheering me when I'm down. And to myself, thank you for staying strong, and enduring life challenges like a Tough Cookie.

Here's wishing all a very...

Till next year~

Dream by all means. It's free.

I have dreams. A lot of them.

Artist.

Cartoon animator.

International school art teacher.

National Geographic photographer.

Wildlife technician.

Skyscraper architect.

Graphic designer.

TV host for travelling channel.

World traveller.

Skiing at Swiss Alps.

Hiking in Yellowstone.

Fly over Grand Canyon.

Sky diving.

Bungee jumping.

Hug a chimpanzee.

Play with lion cubs.

Kiss a dolphin.

Ride an elephant.

Gosh..I'm writing this with no seconds break. This is truly by heart. Looking back at the list, some are impossible to achieve. And some still have hope.

Of all the dreams I listed out above, non are yet achieved. I've achieved some dreams, which I might list out some other time. I repeat, might!

Assume this as my prolong wishlist that are still in progress.

Till then.

I am off to bed, to dream. May the dreams become a reality.

Windows 95. The age of glory.

Went blog-walking, and came upon this link.

Let's all flashback to the 90's eh? 

Say what?

Uh-huh, brace yourselves people. We're going back to the age of Microsoft 95.
The glorious age. 

Click here: The Windows 95...age

Apa itu hashtag? What's it used for?

Hashtag is a craze for many people socializing on the Internet nowadays. Be it Facebook, Twitter...and especially Instagram.

But the reason why aku terpanggil untuk write this is because ramai yang salah guna 'hashtag' tu. Ok. Let's cut it short and simple.

Here's an example on how to use a hashtag dengan betul.

On weddings etc. Contoh pasangan kat atas ni. Diorang create hashtag sendiri iaitu #MJwedding11 on Instagram. So tetamu yg datang bila dah puas tangkap gambar dengan pengantin, tangkap gambar makanan before-after dan sebagainya..kemudian nak post ke Instagram, maka diorg letak la hashtag tersebut pada gambar.

What the hashtag really means is that it acts as a folder. Bila kita klik #MJwedding11 yang berwarna biru tu, we will see a bunch of photos taken by other people yang attend wedding yang sama. Pengantin pun senang la nak tengok compilation gambar2 taken by others rather than nak mintak diorang e-mel atau whatsapp satu-satu. Haaa...kan senang!

Kadang-kadang aku ketawa sorang2 tgk Instagram orang ber-hashtag merapu (as i call it). Sorry. But it just shows people u're being a follower and not understanding how it actually works.

Don't ever simply create hashtags with no meaning. For example #bosangilerkatumah #muahahakekekehohoho #akuboringlajomjln #sakitpaledohh #bosannyeuwww #agak2sapemenangaf13

Unless of course klau hashtag tu memang wujud la. Camne nak tau hashtag tu wujud ke tak? Well, for a start, memang hashtag tu wujud once korang letak tanda '#' depan sesuatu perkataan tu. Sebab tu dia kaler biru. Tapi camne nak tau hashtag tu ko sorang yang pakai atau dikongsi oleh satu dunia?

Cuba klik kat hashtag yang korang taip tu (yang warna biru tu). Haa...kalau dalam fail tu gambar korang je satu-satunya, means korang syok sendiri. If you're lucky, there might be 1 or 2 photos. Hmm..(ngam la korang berkawan).

I'm not pointing out to anybody here. I'm just sharing what I know. I used to be a noob with these hashtags too. I did not dare use any hashtags on my photos once upon a time. I just captioned it, and post. Eventually, when I understood what hashtags were meant for, baru aku guna.

Hashtags need to be relevant

Tapi tolong laaaa....jangan guna hashtag terlampau banyak. Annoying tau tak? Macam contoh bawah ni.

Oh. Alang-alang aku dah bercerita pasal hashtag ni kan. Sebagai rakyat Malaysia yang cintakan negaranya. Jom kita share gambar with the hashtag of #PositivelyMalaysia. If you don't know what it is, go to the page first on Instagram. See samples from others. Nak letak gambar korang lepak ngan kawan-kawan kat mamak sambil makan tose/roti tisu dan tengok bola ke..atau gotong-rotong beramai-ramai kat kampung untuk hapuskan denggi ke.... Anything. Anything that resembles Malaysia. This indirectly promotes Malaysia in the eyes of the world. People from all over the world can click at the tag and see what Malaysia is all about. Fun isn't it? Of course lahh funn~

Salon Du Chocolat...strictly for chocolate lovers.

It was raining heavily yesterday after work. As much experience as I have gained throughout working here at Jalan Duta in KL, rain is equivalent to major traffic jams. Also equivalent to 2 hours drive back home. Sigh~

Realizing my tummy is drooling for something chocolate-y, I googled for Salon Du Chocolat at Publika. I've always passed by the shop, but never went in. And hastalavista baby..I sure did the right thing. Here's a picture of what the place offered, and instantly made me zoom off to Publika.

Credits to Chiqess

Sad thing was, I was here alone. It was unplanned, so I didn't manage to ask anybody else to tag along.

It's just a sweet petite cafe

Salon Du Chocolat is alike DipNdip. Offering chocolates, chocolates and chocolate-based delicacies. *slurppp*.

And therefore, I chose White Chocolate Crepe to please my happy tummy. And it only costs RM14.90. With no service tax charged. What up?

Dear readers, please wipe your drool off. And ohh..is that your tummy making that grumbling noise?

The menu

My first visit here gave me an out-of-the-world satisfaction. Now I know where to satisfy my chocolate cravings in case I crave for one next time. And also because Dip n Dip in Bangsar is quite far from home.

If you happen to look for a 'chocolate friend', call me. Or if you happen to have a better recommendation to where else can I satisfy my chocolate cravings, tell me. Do! Hahahahaha..


Til next time.