What if...

You know that feeling when you have to choose 1 out of 2 options? No you can't take both. Not even neither. It's as if, if you don't choose 1, then it'll make your life miserable. Entirely. 

Reflecting my life speaking from today, I'm glad I made the right decisions. I hope. I believe.

Somehow, somewhere hidden inside of me, (and always will stay there...) I question, what if? Below are among the many life challenges that I had to leave behind. Just because I had to choose 1. An only 1 life decision from another.

What if I actually pursued my studies in accountancy at Politeknik Kota Kinabalu in 2007? Will I be an accountant today? Will I be making a lot of money? (As what the people around me always tell). But then again, I don't like accounting. I cant even cope well with the terms debit and credit. So what if I pursued? I might be repeating subjects semester by semester. I might even drop my studies halfway through. Oh so many consequences.

What if I actually pursued my studies in Arts and Design in UiTM Sarawak in 2007? Despite being the happiest person on Earth (for merely 2 minutes) while reading the offer letter, deep inside I know, this is not the path I will be taking. But now that I can pursue my childhood ambition, what's stopping me? Why sacrifice something I love doing, to something I've never set my heart into? Something I've never see myself doing since, forever? But then again, what if I pursued the course? Will I actually be successful in the creative industry? What are the choices of career do I have? What are the chances of me being successful, despite confronting the real world challenges with so many talents and skills? How do I actually define successful?

What if I accepted the offer to be the Merchandising Exec at Times Bookstore right after graduating? Will I get to practice what I've learnt in uni? Procurements, quality management, logistics, supply chain and such? As what is reflected in the Job Description. Will I get to manage my own bookstore?

What if I accepted the offer to become Marketing Exec at Tesco in 2013? Will I be able to organize and manage my own Tesco chain? Will I be able to plan out a creative marketing strategy to attract customers? What if my ideas are limited? What if it's not available at times that is needed the most? I might be counselled for not performing well. I might even get sacked.

What if I continued to stay as temporary Economic Affairs Officer in MATRADE? Will there be any chances of me being a Contract officer then? Hence, permanent? Will I get the chance to pursue my dream to travel the world and coordinate international events? What if I'm not good enough? And that this position requires more experience and understanding not only economically, but global issues related to trade? What if after my contract ends, will there be any more chances of renewing them? Or will it end despite not even prepared to be jobless yet?

Well, all those what-ifs can actually cause me a headache sometimes. Why think deeper when everything has become history? Point of the matter is, there are reasons to why I'm living my life as of today. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine, and redo what I wish I had. But theres no way thats gonna happen. Thats the most impossible thing any human genius can invent. As a Muslim, I have redha with whats written. Sometimes in life, despite having choices, theres always a situation when it becomes 'no choice'. What I do with such situation? I take it as a new experience and as an extra skill to develop. Which is a good thing. Plus, I still have this 1 hope and dream that I can forever pursue with dedication. I want to become multitalented. Now here's why I have no grudge against the what-ifs. Just go with the flow. There's just so many things to explore, that sometimes we question, What next?

The World is a book. Those who do not travel read only a page.

If only travelling was like going to Agrobazaar (grocery store 200 meters from home, Dungun).

I remembered the least time my mom asked me what sort of guy i wanted to marry. The first thing that blurted out was "Yang suka travel!".
At that time i was like, "Damn..i should've said 'someone pious' or 'someone who can lead me with Islam life'. I was thinking that maybe my mom would say "Travel? Instead of someone pious?" But instead she...

"Hmmm...".

Err..does that mean she understands me? Phew~

Yup..i am so looking out for guys who likes travelling. I mean LOVES travelling. I can't imagine myself sitting at home every weekend, every holiday season..and please not honeymoon too.

Just like my dad. Loves travelling. I've been following my dad's interest for so long. He loves cameras, me too! He loves art, me too! He loves singing in front of people, me too used to.

Truth be spoken, i like to channel people's facebook. I mean friends overseas. Whenever i looked at their photos, it's like they've gone to every country on earth already. Most of which would go with their partners. That's what u call a travelling partner. They're not engaged nor married, but they're travelling partners. Geddit? Please don't make me explain.

OK skip the travelling partner bit.
So NOW i understand why there are a lot of tourists coming to Malaysia, most of which are a couple. So yeah, it's their sort of thing i guess. It's like travelling abroad is as simple as going to the grocery stores. I mean, i sometimes feel sluggish to even start the engine, and off to the store. I'd rather stay home and feed on biscuits. Let alone walk.

Where'd they get the money? Is our currency really that cheap? Still, u gotta pay for the international flight. That is no cheap deal, no?

I always wonder to myself. Am i able to go to Switzerland to see the Alps? London for London Bridge? France for Zidane Eiffel Tower? New York for Neil Patrick Harris Statue of Liberty? Australia for inianwarhadi the Opera House?

I'd be devastated if i were to marry someone who is kaki-rumah. 
Unless he's my pure jodoh, then i've nothing to say.



But these are only my dreams. How i wish upon the stars.